I love you in my life. Happy Valentine's Day.

(birthday sentiment received last week)

That sentence will be forever engraved in my heart.  I have been extremely sentimental since the New Year… and birthdays always make me reflect on the year gone by… last year on my birthday, I received a wedding proposal to which I declined.  It broke my heart to do it actually, but I believe in “star-alignment” and I did not see any stars in the midnight sky… and it was a “waning crescent moon” … a time to let go of bad habits and bad relationships… a time for divination (to be inspired by God) …  and so with Lent around the corner, I gave him up… sounds so cold and rotten of me really… but then, no one has ever said that I am the nicest person in the world… however, someone has said,

“I love you in my life.”

   

I spent most of my year not really growing spiritually.. just kind of stagnated… (which is evident in my lack of writing) and then, my daddy died and nothing seemed to get better in that regard.. I realize I did not socialize very much with my friends and family… I avoided making commitments (not that that is anything new.. I am good at that) but I did not give anyone new an opportunity to enter my private sanctuary…  and I hid behind my boys… allowing them to consume my every thought and action… I used them to not have a life of my own… I did, however, have a life on-line with a new-found aspergers support group… I have grown to love those cyber-people very much.. there is such an exchange of energy through every story that is posted… a sense of “these people understand that little part of my life and they do not judge me or my child” … I find myself praying and laughing and crying with so many of them…  and I went to meet the “founder” of it all this past weekend as a birthday gift to myself… what a JOY that woman is… I felt so at home with her family… as if we had grown up together as sisters… and my kid, he loved her kids… no melt-downs.. no screaming.. no lunacy really… I did get an earful by her 18 year old about how I should not drink alcohol and curse, and he is right… so I listened because it was worth it to be able to relax on his memory foam bed and listen to Christian Alternative music as he preached… (this is US)

   

Anyway, I have decided this year that I am definitely going to find my way back… I feel that there is a true “Spiritual Awakening” happening all around me…  I read that Pope Francis told someone something like, “I believe in God, not a Catholic God, but in the One and only True God… that is my being.”  I have been saying that all along in all my blog rantings throughout the years… Yes, I like to take from all beliefs and practices… I like to incorporate different sayings and blessings into my daily life with my children.. those of you who have been with me a long time know that we have our own “secret” greetings… Salaam Alaikum, Sat Sri Akal, Tikuun Olam, Namaste… to name a few…. I do read about the Sun and the Moon and how they affect our lives because it is in the bible… “And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule by the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: He made the stars, also” Genesis 1:16 .. but the best passage (referring to the moon) to me is Isaiah 66:23, “And it shall come to pass, that from one new moon to another, and from one Sabbath to another, shall all flesh come to worship before me, saith the Lord.”  And so, no matter what transpires during that time, as long as I come back to God on Sundays, I feel that I am not too far off track.

Alright then, back to my birthday…. I received so many messages (thank you Mark for reminding people on Facebook) and I even had a friend from Junior High “surprise” me at the happy hour where I chose to celebrate it…  I did not formally invite anyone, I simply said, “there is free champagne from 4:00-7:00 for the ladies… guess where I’ll be…” lol… I do not like to set myself up for disappointment… I would die if I invited someone and received a “no” response, or worse still, if someone said “yes” and then did not show… being rejected is not one of my strong suits… the people who did show up, made my afternoon extra special… and I will forever carry that in my heart… their presence is just like saying ...

“I love you in my life.” 

(here are just a few of my favorite friends and family)

So....THAT is the motto I am going to adopt this year…

“I love you in my life.”

First and foremost, I will say it to God because through Him all things are possible... and then, through prayer and meditation, I am going to ask Him to help me surround myself only with people who I will love to have in my life… I will be open to receive and make new friendships throughout, but I will consciously try to make sure that the relationship only brings me closer to God somehow… closer to my own spiritual awakening… this will ensure that I stay on the path that God has already written for me.. the path that will lead me to stay in His grace… this may, also, sound cold and calculated, but I am not here on this earth to “entertain” anyone or have “false” friends… I am here to be the blessed person God wants me to be.
I am real.

I even set up a page on Facebook called “I Am Real”, but because it is not private, no one wants to play along so, I will be deleting it soon… I find that it defeats the purpose of telling and showing the world (through pictures) who you are, if it has to be a private group… oh well, another lesson learned about human nature… no biggie.. I will continue to interview random strangers and post their stories right on my personal page.. it is interesting to connect with people that way.. everything is a connection… a synchronicity of sorts.. I read somewhere (I read a lot) that the lessons in life are hidden in the details like shadows cast in a cave and that everything happens for a reason.. we just need to observe the details better… we are all actors in the great play of “Life” and everything changes from Act to Act and Scene to Scene.. nothing ever stays the same. We all know this to be true… I believe that the key to being able to observe the changes is in being open to receive with all our senses… and that is what I am going to focus on… the love and light that we each carry in our hearts… I want to "see" people and I want them to "see" me so that we can love one another in one another's life.

Well....... I know this is lengthy and I may have lost some of you (if not all of you) with my tangent writing, but I haven’t written in a while and I have sooooo much to say…. I will wrap it up simply by thanking all those people who show me somehow, either daily and/or throughout the years, that they love me in their life. It is almost Valentine’s Day, and though I do not have one Valentine, I feel as though I have millions because of the love that is shown to me.. because of the smile that I am welcomed with.. the kiss "hello" ... the hug that never seems to end.. the quick phone call.. the voicemail…. the text message.. the email.. the post on my facebook wall.. the picture tags.. etc… because of all of these things and more, I want to tell you all that …

I LOVE YOU IN MY LIFE ….

Happy Valentine’s Day lovers of life… I carry your hearts.. I salute the Divinity within you.. I wish you peace… but most of all, I love you…  

May you be blessed with all things good and loving always,

Elena