Resolution: The "Best" YOU ...

Hello from my heart to yours...

‎"When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them it was you."  ~ City Of Angels

Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? What a wonderful expression of love... for the one who loves another so deeply as to say it and for the recipient of that statement to know that someone loves them that much.... pretty simple really, and yet, so deep.... wouldn't it be so fabulous to be able to feel that?

With the year ending and with all of us trying to come up with New Year's resolutions, this is a perfect time to reflect on the "YOU" that you have been this past year.. have you been what others like "best" in their lives?  Imagine what a spectacular thing it would be to have someone say that to you... I know it's hard to be at our "best" always.. after all, we are here having a human experience, and therefore, are subject to so many outside factors .. so many challenges and tests and trials... we are always in a hurry and it becomes difficult to stop and reflect on how we are going to handle all that "life" throws at us... we try to be proactive, but most of the time, we are just reacting to someone or something...

Sunday was "The Day of the Holy Family" ... the Homily was absolutely beautiful.. too bad no one in my family was there in mass with me to hear it... yep, I was at mass alone... but anyway, Fr. Phil spoke of the obedience we have to one another.. not "obedience" in "you better do as I say", but rather in the concept of LOVE... because love involves obedience ... and obedience is about loving one another... ...  I do not think I can explain it really and these are the times when I wish I would have brought my phone into church so that I could have recorded it... but none-the-less, it did spark a light in my heart and made me reflect on "me" ... "me" as a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend... am I, and have I been, obedient in loving God and others? well, as much as I would like to say "YES" ... the answer is "no, not always" .... 

Both Jews and Christians alike, know the "Ten Commandments" and I believe that most of us try to follow them as best we can.. the first and greatest of all, "I am the Lord, your God", invites us to accept and obey the glorious truth that He is OUR God, the One and only... if we do not, we are less likely to obey the rest of the Commandments. Personally, I am able to obey almost all of them except "Honor thy mother" ... not because I do not feel an immense love for her, but I realize that I falter because we simply do not "understand" one another really... her opinion matters to me and I am willing to change behaviors that she finds unpleasing to her, however, the fundamental core of who I am is simply "who I am" and I feel that, although I know she loves me, she does not like "who I am".... during the moments of conflict between us, I am definitely NOT the "best" I can be... I am the "worst" really because I am not obeying, and hence, not loving... and this truly makes me sad... 

Anyway, my resolution this coming year is to step back and ask myself if, in obeying what I am being asked to do, am I being loving?... (especially with my mother) ... I will ask myself if my actions will benefit another person? I will ask myself if it will build up the larger body? and ultimately, will it lead me on the path to be who I was created to be?.. the "best" me... the "me" that someone will say, "YOU" are what I liked best.... 

During this time of miracles and resolutions, I invite you all attempt to be the "best" YOU's that you can be... I humbly ask that YOU help me be the "best" ME.... let us help one another to be obedient to God and one another... let us give of ourselves... YOU are the greatest present you can ever give... let us give the love that is in our heart to those closest to us first.. our family, our friends, our co-workers... and then, let us give love to everyone we see and run into on the street or temple or church... and to everyone we share our thoughts and lives with in cyberspace.... all of the people that we encounter in the world deserve to feel the love that we can give them with just a simple smile or a hug or a handshake... we all deserve to see the "best" in each other... we all deserve to feel that we are the "best" in each other's lives ... stop and reflect... and pray and meditate about this: the LOVE fest begins with YOU.. the "best" YOU that you already are as a blessed child of God... for YOU are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to the world... 

I can't wait to be asked what I liked "best" so I can tell them it was YOU!

May 2014 be blessed with all things good... I see you... I carry your heart... I love you... and I salute the Divinity within YOU... from my heart to yours, Happy New Year... 
Elena

Ridiculousness

Hello from my heart to yours....

yes, the same greeting I use in my "blessing" blog... I just can't seem to find another greeting that expresses how I feel towards all of the fabulous people in the world... As you can see, I, also, changed the blog name... I thought I could write and rant and rave like a lunatic from "the other side", but THAT is not me either... I think I can be a "happy medium" though... maybe I can just tell you stories in a somewhat "blessing" form.. and/or maybe just vent a little (to prove I am far from perfect, which I am) and/or I could just BE... I don't know... we'll see... 

anyway... let me tell you about our "Little Laney" elf that arrived yesterday.. she is spectacular so far and my boys adore her... we took her to mass with us (of course, in my purse) ... the little girls in front us kept turning around eyeing her... it was so cute... my youngest keeps telling people that she is the little sister he will never have... I think it's just great how they have all welcomed her....

We have a new Pastor at our church... I like him.. he is young and very animated when he speaks.. yesterday's Homily was about how "ridiculous" we all become when there is a new baby on its way in the family... how the preparations truly go overboard... it was quite funny.. he even told his own family (36 of them) at an earlier mass, how ridiculous he thought they were...... he said the whole assembly was cracking up... I have seen this happening first-hand in my family, too... but, I am not really like this... I like my kids to have nice things, but I am pretty much of a conformist.. I don't have credit cards and believe that if I want something for myself or my children, I need to find it in my "cash" budget or save up until I do have it.. one of my brothers calls it the "poverty mentality"... that may be so, but we have not wanted for anything really... and we have traveled, in the U.S., Europe and the Caribbean, on a cash budget...  we have seen so much of the world because we deprive ourselves of those "ridiculous" things that everyone else seems to think they need... course, I will not pass judgement nor even voice my opinion to anyone about their lifestyle.. trust me when I say, "if they are happy, I am happier.." ... 

hmmmm... tangent writing... woo hoo... that's me!!! lol.... anyway, I think I learned, what I like to call "practicality" from my mother... she has to be the most practical person I have ever known.. and she tried to teach us that, in order to have more, we had to sacrifice and do with less ... so, no big hoopla's when I was pregnant 3 times... not from Ma at least, but my Sissy, (she's a "decorate our house every time the season changes" kind of girl), she wasn't paying attention to Ma's lesson... and so, for my 2nd child, she gave me a Margarita baby shower..lol... and for the 3rd one, she was there, holding my hand in the delivery room while our mother was galavanting around New Orleans with Daddy... lol.... being loved "ridiculously" by my Sissy is a great thing actually...  

Now... back to the Homily... the question he posed was "What "ridiculous" things will you do to prepare for the birth of the Baby Jesus?" .... my 16 year old turns to me and says, "well, carrying "Laney" around for 24 days is pretty "ridiculous", don't you think?" ...lol.... I suppose it is, however, this same teenager is requesting that Santa send him his own elf... he is so excited about all the shenanigans that could occur with 2 elves in the house... 

Regardless of that elf lunacy (and my other blog.. www.littlelaneyelf.blogspot.com), we weren't going to put up a Christmas tree... we keep saying we are going away... but I am a believer in Christmas.. and thanks to Laney and the Priest, I am pretty excited about preparing for the Baby Jesus in a "ridiculous" way... After all, if God could give us such a beautiful present, than we ought to be celebrating it... it is our Faith.. it is our Hope... it is our Love... I mean, what was I thinking? I am the one who converts the dining room table into a craft station every December... was I really thinking I wasn't going to do that this year? ... well, yes, I was thinking of not... but forget it... I am preparing for a new baby at Christmas... 

and so... whether or not you are awaiting the same baby... I pray that you will all be able to be "ridiculous" during the holiday season... it's about giving... giving of yourself... giving joy to others... giving peace to every one... I am getting that Christmas tree.. and I am going to play with Laney... and I am going to welcome the Baby Jesus the way that He should be welcomed ... After all, I am really good at "ridiculous" ...(at least for other things... lol..... )

May you be blessed with all things good always,
With Love,
Elena

Thanksgiving

I have always loved Thanksgiving Day… I have always loved the LOVE that the day brings out in people… it is the only day that all Americans celebrate regardless of their religion... it is the only day that everyone is thanking God or the Universe or some other higher being... all day people are giving thanks...... people take time to reflect and think about how fortunate they are … and then, they rush out and help the less fortunate… it is the one day of the year that actually has an excessive amount of volunteers at homeless shelters… which is great I suppose, except that why aren’t these people who are giving of themselves on Thanksgiving Day (as if it is a grandiose gesture of love), volunteering the other 364 days of the year? I mean, the homeless shelters are open year round…

This is not my own thought…. This enlightenment came from a nun at the “Sisters of Charity” in Midtown Miami one Thanksgiving morning that I went to sing at the morning mass… my parish actually takes care of them year round… our church has its own vegetable garden and we have hens who provide 130 eggs daily for them… on Thursday nights, we make sandwiches and someone from the church delivers them on Friday mornings…. Regardless, there were so many people that Thanksgiving morning that we could hardly move inside the little building… a lot of people had to stand and eat outside… and the nun was up against the wall shaking her head… I asked, “What’s the matter Sister?” …. “I am thankful that the parishioners from your church come out every year, but it would be nice if they came in small groups every day... we feed all of these people all of the time…maybe you can spread the word” …. There was nothing I could respond except, “yes, of course I can say something...” I felt so small and insignificant… I didn’t go to help serve food, I was simply asked to sing at the mass…and now I just wanted to leave...  I went back a few times on random days, but I hardly make it to that area anymore … my own guilt is eating up at me right now for not practicing what I preach so go ahead, call me a hypocrite today….

I am not sure what I am going to do for Thanksgiving… probably nothing… my father is dead… my mother left town... my brother left town... my youngest brother and baby sister live out of town…  and the sister I love deeply… well, if I spend it with her, I think we will be miserable together... we were definitely Daddy’s girls … last night she was at the house and we were already crying again just talking about the fact that he won’t be giving grace… but, I told her that if I don’t high-tail it out of town, I will stop in for dessert…

Fortunately, my boys understand my lunacy… they’re like “Road-trip, Mama!!!” so, maybe that’s what we will do… they are my family… I haven’t shared Thanksgiving with my oldest one for 4 years and my middle one for 2 years… it might be nice, just us… course, it might not be nice…. And as I write this, I just received a call from my 18 year old… he’s got big plans for the weekend… so, we’ll see what happens.. but whatever happens is fine with me.. it’s about how we can be happiest…and I am thankful that despite the sadness we feel without my Daddy, we are relatively happy people... 

My heartfelt wish to all of you is that you are not only thankful on Thanksgiving Day, but always… I know I am… May you and your family be blessed with all things good… You are loved beyond measure…go out and love the world’s people as often as you can… be thankful for one another.. we're all we've got... 

Namaste,

Elena

p.s. if you have little ones and/or you consider yourself a little one… check out http://littlelaneyelf.blogspot.com/ … Sunday, December 1st, is the “Day of the Elf” and there will be a lot of magical things happening as we count down to Christmas…

Daughter of the Moon

(Sitting in the breezeway with my Ma on the night of the November Full Moon)

“I just can’t believe that all of my children are crazy..”

“I have a perfectly good excuse, Ma… I was born under the full moon..”

“that’s no excuse really…”

“sure it is… and since I was born in the morning, both the sun and moon were visible at the same time.. didn’t you notice?”

“Are you kidding? … I was giving birth… the only thing I remember was that when they opened the curtain of the delivery room, all I could see was a vast ocean in front of me… it actually scared me… I almost forgot where I was..”

“Oh Ma, that’s awesome … I love that”

“yeah maybe, but it still doesn’t explain why you are so crazy..”

As she shook her head, (the way mothers do when they are just totally dismayed by their children), I searched the internet for all the full moons dates for every month and year corresponding to my grandparents, parents, siblings and children, to see if anyone else in our family was born under a full moon… meanwhile she was muttering things and I would just say, “okay.. really… wow…” when I was done with my investigation, I interrupted her and told her that I was the only one born in the full moon in our family… she threw her head back and said, “you see, only a crazy person would even google that.” …. Lol….

Regardless, I don’t consider myself “crazy”… I am a daughter of the Moon… On the day of my birth, the Sun rose at 7:01am and the Moon set at 8:03am, therefore, I want to believe that while my mother was in the absolute last hour of labor, (I was born at 7:38 am), the Moon was introducing me to the Sun…. lol…. okay so…. Maybe I am a little “touched” … but it does make for a great mystical story, doesn’t it?

The full moon…. Most everyone loves this monthly occurrence… and why not? .. it’s spectacular to see… and to witness and to feel and be overcome by its grandeur .. and it’s acceptable to blame it IF you feel inclined to act a little crazy when it is shining in the midnight sky… lol…. many people follow the cycle of the moon and probably have never known why they become more sentimental or melancholic.... I, for one, do not even have to look at the calendar to know that it is coming…. And since my father’s passing, (he died on the night of the “Super  Moon” in June)… I think I am even more connected to it… except now, I am more peaceful… I look to the Moon and feel a sense of calm… I look to the moon and feel the beams filling me with more light than any Sun could ever do… I look to the Moon and feel my daddy’s presence and it soothes me…. (or maybe I just want to believe that so that I don’t miss him so much)… hey, whatever works for the crazies, right?

Anyway, as Sandy Miller said, “You have to be able to appreciate things. How many people can say it was a full moon last night and appreciate it?”

 I will leave you with this lovely prayer written by Bill Attride, Astrologer for last night’s full moon..

 THE GREAT INVOCATION

From the point of light within the Mind of God,

Let Light stream forth into our minds

Let LIGHT descend on Earth.

From the point of love within the Heart of God,

Let Love stream forth into our hearts

May LOVE increase on Earth.

From the center where the Will of God is known

Let purpose guide our wills

The PURPOSE, which the masters know and serve.

From the center which we call Humanity

Let the Plan of Love and Light work out

And may it seal the door where evil dwells.

Let Light and Love and Power restore the Plan on Earth.

AMEN, AMEN…. 

...miles to go....

“… but I have promises to keep,

…and miles to go before I sleep.

…and miles to go before I sleep.”      

When I was in second grade, my best friend’s mother insisted that we memorize the poem, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost… There was no real reason except that it was one of her favorites and she wanted Frost to be one of our favorite Poets as well…. and so, we learned it…. I could never imagine then how many times I would call upon those three lines to get me through life whenever I felt I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel…  It is one of the few poems I still remember and can recite… (the other poem is, also, a Frost poem.. “Fire and Ice”) …

Years ago, when my boys were 5 and 3 years old, I took them to Gatlinburg. During one of the hikes we took, they began their whining, which was understandable because it was cold and wet as we travelled up the mountain trail.. so, I started reciting the poem to distract them… and it worked… they were so inquisitive and kept interrupting me and asking me, “well, whose woods are they?” … and “what is a harness bell?” … and “how come it’s called “downy flake?” … lol… and eventually, as I repeated the poem, they learned a lot of it as well… to this day, my oldest remembers most of it and on our weekend trip to Georgia, as we hiked the trail at “Red Mountain”,  he turned to his 6 year old cousin and said, “Whose woods these are I think I know……”  

…and so… all weekend, I seemed to be thinking about each individual I was with… about all the “miles” we all need to go still…. my brother, at 43 years of age, is back in school studying to be a Chiropractor… his entire life has changed already… My two teenage boys, ages 18 and 16, had their weekly melt-down of wanting to kill each other…  My 12 year old nephew did not want to do homework and was lying about it... my 9 year old niece only brought 2 leggings to wear for 5 days (mind you it was in the 40’s) so we had to wash them by hand daily.. my 10 year old Aspie thought it was okay to veer off the trail and would disappear into the woods saying that he was like “Connor” from Assassin’s Creed… and my 6 year old nephew, well… he is 6 and doesn’t have a care in the world…. He could go a million miles without any sleep…

Naturally, WE all know what the “miles” mean… right? I don’t think any of us really dwell on it too much though… we plan as best we can for the future, but “life” sometimes deals us cards we would rather throw back… I am not one to worry about the “miles” I have to go, however, I do worry about what is in store for my children… and we speak openly about a lot of “life” things (maybe too openly) because I want them to be aware… I can’t be certain that they listen all the time, but my hope is that they if they are in a situation where they aren’t quite sure what to do, their memory will re-call one of my stories in a “deja-vu” kind of way …..

Anyway, I chose to travel with all these characters to see my brother for the long weekend… that, in itself, was an adventurous decision… but, it was worth it… it was a great time of reflection for me…. And I think we all learned some valuable lessons about one another and how other people’s actions (or lack thereof) can easily change the road you’re on…. The kids experienced this first-hand when we landed in  Fort Lauderdale.  I really was expecting that someone would be there to pick us up, however, I will just say there was a  “misunderstanding” of sorts (so as to keep the peace in the family). 

There I was with 6 children, who ate breakfast at 8:00am and were now sitting on the sidewalk of Terminal 4 at 1:00pm telling me they were hungry and asking me how we were getting home…. To keep calm, I was silently repeating a “grateful” mantra…. "I am grateful for the sun; I am grateful for the moon; I am grateful for the trees; I am grateful for the grass…" I looked up and saw a sign on the column, took a deep breath and said, “There’s a free shuttle to the Tri-Rail station.. I guess we will take the train to Miami” … (that was our Clint Eastwood moment… “Improvise, Adapt and Overcome”) …lol……. not one disgruntling word was uttered from any of their mouths… meanwhile, under my breath, I was certainly muttering some choice words…. My oldest shrugged his shoulders at me and then turned to the rest of them and said, “You all might as well learn how to travel now, else you’ll never be able to travel in Europe for a month like I did.” …. They agreed, gave one another high-fives and we were on our way….

Three and a half hours later, we finally made it home…

I kept my promise… 

Later, as I was tucking my Aspie in, he said, “Mama, that was a great adventure today… we traveled 690.6 miles to get home.” … “wow, really?”.. “yes… I googled it… that’s a lot of miles… I think we can go to sleep now… “ …. “LOL…. Yes, I suppose we can.” 

Some other day I’ll explain what it means when I say…….

“… but I have promises to keep,

…and miles to go before I sleep.

…and miles to go before I sleep.”       

Hello... and here I go.....

I once was a writer of blessings. 

I love that true sentence… it’s just like HEM always said to do when you have writer’s block.. just write one “true” sentence and go from there…. Well, that’s what I did Sunday night… and the day was done… it is a new dawn and I am simply writing… I am not sure what I am going to be writing about yet…  like everyone, I am full of stories… and so much has happened in the last 7 years of my life as I have journeyed with my “blessed” people… writing "blessings" for them has sustained me... it has kept me rooted in the "fellowship" of belonging to a group of people who have many of the same beliefs I have.... we have shared so many prayers and affirmations… we have laughed and cried… we have been constant in our faith, hope and love for one another.. . we have “seen” one another… we are “Namaste” people…. And we carry one another’s hearts…  I love my people…. And I always will….. but today, I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders… no one will be expecting a “blessing” from me… I have resigned.  Course, it doesn’t mean that I will never write one… I may start writing and rambling like I do and it may very well go in that direction…

Since this is a new blog for me maybe I should introduce myself… I am “Cloud of Peace” … an Indian name given to me by my FSU Seminole friends when I lived in Tallahassee almost 25 years ago.  Those were the days when hardly anyone had a cell phone and we still mailed letters to one another...…  and if you were going to write anything about “life” or your opinion on any political happening, you would send it in to your local newspaper’s “soapbox” section and hope it didn’t get thrown in the trash without being read …

So, for half of my life, I have felt somewhat compelled to live up to the name given to me… granted, it hasn’t been that difficult because I am generally a peaceful person.. but, of course, I have had a million and one moments where I have wanted to show that “other side” of me (and I probably have slipped more times than I have wanted to) … and so I have written lyrical poetry and “blessings” more as a tool for myself to “practice what I preach” …. however, the day is done…

I received a lot of beautiful responses and words of encouragement to my “farewell” blessing, but I have one friend that wrote, “You’ll change your mind” … lol….. she might be right… but not today she isn’t… and so…. I begin a new journey… my “blessings” people may not continue on the new path with me and I will miss them….. but, I have traveled with many souls, for many lives and so I look forward to meeting  old friends on the written path… I would say, “wish me luck”, but I don’t believe in luck… I trust in destiny and fate … The story has already be written…

“I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am anything that happens after I'm gone which would not have happened if I had not come.” Salman Rushie, "Midnight's Children"

Let your light shine... 
With love,
Elena

The Day is Done

Hello from my heart to yours....

“His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless.” Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast


That has to be one of the saddest quotes from HEM's book, but I have always loved it.... I have known many people like F. Scott Fitzgerald, whom he is speaking of..... today, I can relate to the quote myself.... since I once was a writer of blessings..... a talent that came naturally to me... something that was effortless for me..... sometimes too effortless.... sure I have had moments of absence before.. moments of silence.... however, the words were always tugging at my heart.. I would just seem to lose my way or take a different path, but I would find my way back eventually... the blessing "sabbaticals" never lasted this long........ and though my wings are not damaged and I still want to fly, it isn't in the direction of writing blessings anymore... because it isn't effortless anymore... I am thinking of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem, "The Day is Done" ... it's a long poem (too long to post here without boring you).. but basically he is describing the end of a long and exhausting day at work... he comes home and wants his lover to read a poem to him.... I do not feel that the last 7 years have been long and exhausting.... I think I feel that the times when I do not write have been long and exhausting.... but I just do not have anything else to say.... like Longfellow, I want to come home to a poem of simplicity which will carry me off to another place... I want to be able to close my eyes and feel the humility of the poet who expresses peaceful serenity...  I want to hear it being read to me quietly, almost in a whisper, so that I can let go of the cares of the day and tune into the music of life... the work day is over for him... the blessings are over for me... I want to embrace the night and use this time of slumbering to express myself not as "the girl who writes the blessings" ... but perhaps just... "the girl who writes" ... and if I happen to write a blessing, well then, bravo... 

At the suggestion of my oldest son, I have created a new blog called, "The Other Side of "Cloud of Peace" ..yeah, it sounds a little bit evil... like "The Other Side of Eden" ... but it would allow me to just write about anything I want to write about without having to focus on the "blessing" of it... I do not plan to bombard any of you with emails anymore...but I will always be available for you through this email and/or through facebook.... 

I think of you all very often... I carry your hearts in my heart.... Remember that you are loved beyond measure and are a cherished blessing to the world and me always.... you can always visit my "blessing" blog at  http://www.mycloudofpeace.blogspot.com/ to read some of the blessings I have posted in the last 2 years (and maybe you'll find a new one every now and then)... ... and/or you can visit my new blog at http://theothersideofcloudofpeace.blogspot.com/ ... (though this will be my first entry there) ..... 

I once was a writer of blessings..... and I am forever thankful to God for giving me that gift for so long....and I am forever thankful to all of you for blessing me with your friendship for so long.... 

May your life be blessed with all things good.... 

I love you,

Elena