“His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless.” Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
That has to be one of the saddest quotes from HEM's book, but I have always loved it.... I have known many people like F. Scott Fitzgerald, whom he is speaking of..... today, I can relate to the quote myself.... since I once was a writer of blessings..... a talent that came naturally to me... something that was effortless for me..... sometimes too effortless.... sure I have had moments of absence before.. moments of silence.... however, the words were always tugging at my heart.. I would just seem to lose my way or take a different path, but I would find my way back eventually... the blessing "sabbaticals" never lasted this long........ and though my wings are not damaged and I still want to fly, it isn't in the direction of writing blessings anymore... because it isn't effortless anymore... I am thinking of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem, "The Day is Done" ... it's a long poem (too long to post here without boring you).. but basically he is describing the end of a long and exhausting day at work... he comes home and wants his lover to read a poem to him.... I do not feel that the last 7 years have been long and exhausting.... I think I feel that the times when I do not write have been long and exhausting.... but I just do not have anything else to say.... like Longfellow, I want to come home to a poem of simplicity which will carry me off to another place... I want to be able to close my eyes and feel the humility of the poet who expresses peaceful serenity... I want to hear it being read to me quietly, almost in a whisper, so that I can let go of the cares of the day and tune into the music of life... the work day is over for him... the blessings are over for me... I want to embrace the night and use this time of slumbering to express myself not as "the girl who writes the blessings" ... but perhaps just... "the girl who writes" ... and if I happen to write a blessing, well then, bravo...
At the suggestion of my oldest son, I have created a new blog called, "The Other Side of "Cloud of Peace" ..yeah, it sounds a little bit evil... like "The Other Side of Eden" ... but it would allow me to just write about anything I want to write about without having to focus on the "blessing" of it... I do not plan to bombard any of you with emails anymore...but I will always be available for you through this email and/or through facebook....
I think of you all very often... I carry your hearts in my heart.... Remember that you are loved beyond measure and are a cherished blessing to the world and me always.... you can always visit my "blessing" blog at http://www.mycloudofpeace.
I once was a writer of blessings..... and I am forever thankful to God for giving me that gift for so long....and I am forever thankful to all of you for blessing me with your friendship for so long....
May your life be blessed with all things good....
I love you,
Elena
No comments:
Post a Comment